omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
