i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I fill condoms, not promises.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
