I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
