she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
