Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
