Acid is not a monday night drug
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
