3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
