Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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