your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
