I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
