After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
