all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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