Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize