Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
