I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
