my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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