Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
