pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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