like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
