He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
