please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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