I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
