You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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