I must be too annoying 4 u.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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