saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
