My nipple is on Facebook.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
