Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
