He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
