4 words: hood of his car
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
ok first of all what the fuck
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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