I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
