Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
