Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
