Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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