i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
