I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
