I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
