Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
