so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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