If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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