I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
