if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
