I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
