apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
