Only a mothe r could love this liver
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
