Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

What did we do last night that was yellow?

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(905): View more from Toronto

We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.

Fav 5 7197 972
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(316): View more from Kansas

No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Umm..who the fuck is this?

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Oh shit

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(757): View more from Virginia

im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?

(804): View more from Virginia

who says it cant be both...

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(703): View more from Virginia

Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.

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(831): View more from California

I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.

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(636): View more from Missouri

When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.

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