The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
