he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
