seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just had sex on a roof
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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