the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
