i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
