So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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