today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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