even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
