You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
honey bunches of taint.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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