She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it's great music for shaving your balls
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
