Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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