Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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