By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just cut my nipple shaving
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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