i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
