I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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