I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
