i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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