used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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