When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
