Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
