i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
