I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
