And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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