She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
