I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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