Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
